“The Hills” — Young Hollywood
Just a big Ruse
I’m always amazed after taking in an episode of The Hills at how little actually happens in a given 22-minute episode. It’s a show built almost exclusively around reaction shots — almost to the point where all one is seeing is reactions to other people’s reaction. It’s kind of awesome. More after the jump…
So apparently Heidi wasn’t 21 yet. Man, LA must have the most lax doormen on the planet (that or I seriously underestimated the power being following around Hollywood with a camera crew can actually yield). And what are her big turning 21 plans? Will Heidi be storming the castle, gathering together a mass of people and drinking herself and everyone in a fifty foot radius into a complete and utter stupor? Not so much. How about dinner and drinks with that Chucky-looking motherflipper Spencer (who, in all fairness, actually cleans up rather well — outside of that idiot expression always plastered across his huge head)? Ding, correct! Fun, fun. This is what she wanted. We know this because she said so and without the slightest bit of regret in her voice. Heidi doesn’t need friends. She has her one true love. Yeah, I’m speaking of that guy sitting next to her looking up scores on his iPhone. True love. Together. Forever. And with nary a friend in sight. Only idiots, vagabonds and the middle class celebrate birthdays (especially twenty-first birthdays) in the company of friends.
Way to go Heidi. Way to live the dream.
Lauren and Whitney spent most of the episode running around a church and dodging a truly horrifying barrage of Village of the Damned-esque young hollywooders. I could be wrong, but the Yost kid from John From Cincinnati might have been present, not to mention superstar Hillary Duff. Yes, the Hillary Duff. While IFB-based drama is certainly fascinating there wasn’t a whole lot else going on with our two heroines. Moving on.
The best segment of the week involved Audrina and Justin/Bobby/Justin-Bobby, as it usually does. This week they went to the Viper Room (assumably pretending it was still 1993 and River Pheonix was still alive) to see the “alternative rock” band The Ruse play. Since Audrina works at Epic she decided to ask a band for their record so that she could pay it forward to one of the lable’s A&R guys. If I were to approach a band and say this they’d probably respond with a cheerful “Sure,” before turning and away and resuming the conversation with the attractive young ladies that he previously been engaging with. When Audrina asks this it is suddenly an invitation to the after party. Damn, if it were only that easy! I want to hang out with guys in a band. I mean, they’re in a band. That’s cool, right?
So Audrina, Justin/Bobby/Justin-Bobby and the band head down the block to One, which is probably about as pretentious as it sounds. Here one of the dudes in the band takes a liking to Audrina and approaches Justin/Bobby/Justin-Bobby about whether or not she’s available. She is not. Of course Justin/Bobby/Justin-Bobby can’t say this because he refuses to acknowledge any sort of romantic commitment and instead just keeps mumbling, “She’s good. She’s good.” Take a stand dude! You’re a wanna-be rock star, whereas this jackass is actually in a band. In the history of modern dating the guy in the band has won out 98% of the time where the remaining 2% is mostly comprised of drummers and bass-players (and, I guess, this particular red-haired beardo who backed off and let Justin/Bobby/Justin-Bobby and Audrina go about their business). Still, his inability to even say the word “girlfriend” (or the preferred “ladyfriend”) is certain to bit him in his leather-clad ass.
