“Gossip Girl” — Victor, Victrola
“I have a very popular television name.
If motivation is the basis for all good drama, then Chuck is by far the most interesting character in the Gossip Girl world of wealthy teenage tomfoolery. While everyone else bumps around aimlessly, making mountains of molehills, Chuck knows what he wants and is willing to do whatever he can to get it. It also doesn’t hurt that he’s completely self-destructive. Self-destruction also happens to make great drama. More after the jump…
Things got started inside a burlesque club, as they most certainly should. Chuck is checking out some mysterious dancing writhing around on the stage Pussycat Doll-style. We don’t know who the girl is, but since you’re reading this it’s safe to say (IT’S BLAIR!). Chuck attempts to impress his dad by suggesting the purchase of said burlesque club as something of an investment. Chuck is certain this is a good idea because he is Chuck and because that other woman in the garters is draping herself all over him. Chuck’s dad initially finds this idea to be silly because, well, he sees his son in a burlesque club getting massaged by a stranger in a corset, but eventually changes his mind. Hooray for Chuck! Everyone loves him. He’s a great guy! Wait, didn’t he try to date-rape Jenny six weeks ago? Bygones!
Now then, remember how Blair was on the stage “dancing” (Blair Waldorf is not particularly talented when it comes to music-based stage performance), well she apparently had enough swagger to catch Chuck’s attention, as it wasn’t long before the two of them were getting hot and heavy in the back of a limo, complete with old-timey film effects. Blair did this because she eventually found out about Nate’s still-interest in Serena. She found this out from Jenny who inexplicably still intends on befriending this ice-queen despite the apparent presence of many other friendly rich people who don’t make her run errands for them. After getting this bad news Blair kills the messenger and tells Jenny she’s “dismissed.” Take that Jenny. Or don’t. Really either one. Why are you doing this again?
Elsewhere in a land of bliss and not-exactly-all-that-dramatic-drama things between Dan and Serena are getting serious. Dan, being pure as snow (though not so much New York snow, which is full of acid and urine — more like New Hampshire snow which I imagine to be very white and clean despite the fact that I’ve never been to New Hampshire and for all I know they could be getting toxic precipitation from the rust best to the west… ANYWAY), is a sexual rookie and more than a little panicked to be with Serena who may or may not have gotten around a lot in a previous life. To his great relief, Serena wants to keep things slow because unlike those random dudes in her past, she’d like her time with Dan to be special. Makes you warm and fuzzy, right?
On the way to this heart-to-heart (and flesh-to-flesh) we are treated to several funny scenes involving Dan studying up via “erotic cinema” and “sensual massage” manuals, as well as a couple great dream sequences featuring Blairs multi-ethnic minions delivering actual dialogue and one particularly witty sequence with Blair and Nate going at it where Dan asks Nate if his shirt should “be all open and billowy like that?” Dan and Serena were also interupted at one point by Vanessa who continued a long tradition of television-friends-who-enter-buildings-not-through-doors-but-through-windows. Why they do this we may never know.
Elsewhere in NYC romance, Rufus asks Lillian to help him with his art installation which ends up being some sort of Dark-Side-of-the-Moon-Laser-Show take on… um… I don’t know, it looked kind of awful, but it did allow the two to lie of the floor and stare at the ceiling. Though this was also something of an effort for Lilly to get back at Bart for being with some nameless woman who actually happened to be a business associate but this was not known to Chuck who spilled the news. Huh? Yeah, exactly.
Oh, and Nate’s dad is a junkie and punched him in the face but I don’t care because Nate has to be the most boring person on the planet — making him the perfect match for Blair. Too bad they split up.
All in all, typical goings on amongst UES teenagers.
Tags: Gossip Girl, The CW
