“The Hills” — They Meet Again
You’ll have to excuse my suspiciously greasy looking forehead.
While taking notes this week (yes, I’m certainly the only person in America who takes notes on The Hills) I had written down a few things about how Whitney showed some genuine talent (or at least genuine interest) while getting that house walk-through for the party they were suppose to throw for their job. It made me think perhaps she is far brighter than for what I had given her credit. Later in the episode she said to Lauren, “Catching up on old times. Or catching up on new times.” Neither were questions, but delivered as honest statements of fact. Whitney, I realized, is from Cincinnati (as in “John From”). Then I started thinking about how (or perhaps more importantly why) she talks in Milch-speech. Of course that’s when I realized 1) no one who is watching The Hills is going to be interested in comparisons to a now-dead HBO series watched by only me and 2) no one is going to care about Whitney on Tuesday morning when we had that awesome run-in between Heidi and Spencer and Lauren and Jason. So let’s just forget about Whitney for this week and focus on the drama at Ketchup (awful name!). More after the jump…
Based on my little experience on seasons past, Jason always seemed like tool of all tools, but I gotta admit now Mr. Clean and Sober is personality-plus! I wouldn’t exactly call him self-deprecating because no one on this show has any sense of irony (only the people watching), but Jason has certainly climbed the ranks of individuals I could actually see talking with and not wanting to jab ice-picks into my ears (or theirs).*
So there we are, in a trendy restaurant, enjoying the company of two beautiful people when a surgically altered girl and a genetically horrifying guy walk in and ruin everything. Apparently this is the Heidi everyone had grown to hate last season. The two of them together were kind of ruthless. Sending over a Shirley Temple was particularly low. Sure, Jason has had some troubles. He’s just out of rehab (and jail), but baby he’s a changed man. He can do better. He ain’t like that ol’ brute anymore. He’s doing the right thing and working the program and wearing those ratty v-neck t-shirts that make him look like Colin Farrell’s idiot cousin. Why kick a guy when he’s down?
The real question is, who’s the enabler, Heidi or Spencer? History would suggest Spencer who has yet to do anything that isn’t completely selfish, but my instinct is now saying it’s Heidi who allows him to act his worst. I can admit it, I was suckered in by Heidi’s brilliance in this chess game of emotion and power, but then she took my rook and spat at my queen and traded my pawns for a job which she isn’t qualified. You’re a real piece of work Heidi. A real piece of work.
The karmic justice in all of this was the brutal, brass-knuckled smack down issued the following morning by Elodie. This is what happens, Heidi, this is what happens when you f-ck a stranger in the ass!
*Quick sidebar: last night I went to see a particularly loud outdoor rock and roll show and foolishly took out my earplugs. Now my ears are screaming like banshee’s of death and everyone on television has no lower register. Perhaps this development affected the way I saw some of the characters. When everyone sounds like they’re talking through a tin can it certainly cuts out a lot of the pretension. Moral of the story: wear your earplugs, kids.
