MagneticMediaFed

It isn’t, not, funny!

The Hills can be one of the biggest teases on television. Each week we think we’re going to witness the ultimate smack-down and nine times out of ten we’re left wondering how the producers managed to create a show where so little can consistently happen week in and week out and somehow make it suspenseful. Of course every now and then we’re given the claws and hissing and knives-in-backs we have been craving all along — that said emotional explosions rarely live up to the hype is besides the point, but what good is a show about catty twenty-one-year-olds living it up in Hollywood without the occasional throw down? This week our two anti-heroes squared off. More after the jump…

Before we get to any of that, let me take a brief moment to address the Audrina/Justin/Bobby/Justin-Bobby situation, which always feels tacked on, but especially so this week as no one in their right mind could possibly care what Audrina thinks of Sean Kingston when so much drama is purported to be going down across town. Set aside the fact that Audrina has been promoted from secretary to cubical-worker at Epic, or the fact that she had to assist the aforementioned Mr. Kingston at a taping of Jimmy Kimmel Live (or is it live?), but instead let’s focus on her meet-up with Justin/Bobby/Justin-Bobby at some nondescript bar. Here he twice (that’s two times) let out this kind of take-no-prisoners belch immediately followed by some sort of retarded snow-boarder laugh. It was creepy, like he had no control over his actions (he might not have, now that I think about it — it looked like he was tweaking, as if days behind on an epic chase of the dragon). It was the type of reflex laugh that suggests a serious brain deficiency. For all we know he might be on borrowed time at this point. It was one of those moments where whatever sympathy we might have had or built toward Audrina was immediately flushed away as it became crystal clear that she is as much of a moron for enjoying the presence of this I’m-going-to-get-dreads-the-real-way poseur as he is for being one.

Now to the good stuff…

I think its safe to say that Lauren Conrad could be the swinkiest girl on the planet. I mean — my god! — what does a person have to do to get back on her good side. Credit must be given to Heidi for at least attempting to reconcile, but there is only so far a person can go before expecting the other to meet them halfway (or even meet them an eighth of the way). First it was the total rejection of small-talk at that Bolthouse event, and then at a deadly serious make-up session (not to be confused with a deadly serious make-out session — can you say sweeps?!) — one that involved flowers no less! — Lauren accepted the apology only to say that she never wants to see her again. Hey there, grudge much?

If anything, this sucks for Heidi, who has, as of late, realized that she’s basically alone aside from her man-child fiancé with the gadget fetish. At this point, what can she do? Effort has been made and now it is time for cords to be permanently cut. And for what? A sex-tape that doesn’t exist? It feels so utterly confusing. Does having a uterus make it any more clear? Seems unlikely.

Speaking of our friend Spenny, what’s up with him reading her IM conversation? Talk about your misuse of the Patriot Act. Though what’s more curious is why someone would leave a completed IM window open in the first place? Am I the only person on the planet concerned about screen real estate? I mean, desktops are only so big.

Yesterday, leading up to the episode I had told a friend at work that what I really wanted to see was either Lauren or Heidi murder the other. I know, kind of bleak, but you have to admit, kind of cool too, right? Plus, there wouldn’t actually actually be a murder. No one still believes this show is based in reality do they? Why not kick it up a notch and just acknowledge the inherent fiction — especially since this season could very well last for the rest of eternity. This was the fourteenth episode and it appears to have sign intention on letting up any time soon.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 13th, 2007 at 2:09 pm and is filed under MTV, The Hills. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.