“Kid Nation” — Deal With It!
Ha, ha! Everyone hates yous!
We’re eight days in and all the kids seem to still be alive. Jared is still phrasing things like he’s in a curse-free David Milch series, Taylor is still too precious, and council is still getting all of their information from a book that was apparently written by pioneers back in the 19th century. If this is true, those pioneers were idiots and wrote in a suspiciously perfect calligraphy. More after the jump…
Drama kicks in right off the bat as Greg goes on a expletive-laced tirade trying to fight the whole town. That’s right, you heard me correctly: expletives! C’mon, man, there are kids here. Kids! Kids running a town.
The council feels like the town needs some law and order, and no, Sam Waterson won’t help. What they think will help is a 9:30 curfew. Why do they think this will be a good idea? Because THE BOOK told them. What’s next, a conch shell? Perhaps they should worry less about the curfew and more about… that kid taunting the bull!
The green team continues to haul shit as laborers. The yellow team continues to cook. And by “cook” what I mean is “throwing flower everywhere and feeding the town literal handfuls of potatoes out of a pan. Sounds delicious.
The showdown this week had something to do with finding a gang of evil sheep. In short it was a bunch of kids running around a pen with dozens of sheep looking for those animals with aces tied around their necks. Yellow won and got the upper class (Taylor should feel right at home). Blue became the laborers. Green got out of the dregs and became the cooks. Red is the new labor class. All the teams completed the mission in the requisite time (the longest five minutes in the history of recorded time, mind you) and were rewarded with either a microwave and a barrel of cocoa OR forty hot pizzas. The council was split on the decision, though Taylor said they chose the microwave, despite the fact that the town had very little to microwave. The town seemed angrier than a bucket of rattle-snakes sitting in the desert sun (wait, is that angry?).
Now everyone hates Taylor, rightly, because she’s utterly hatable, despite being 11. Mallory, on the other hand, is completely adorable.
The council decided to hear from everyone in the town about who they think should win the gold star. The leading vote getters seemed to be Greg (because despite being a jerk, he works really hard — especially when it comes to putting outhouses upright), Morgan, and Mallory (because she’s adorable and it’s her birthday).
At the town hall meeting the council gangs up on Taylor and makes her cry (”Deal with it!”). She decides that simply being a pageant queen is not enough to be liked (which is totally different than the real world) and agrees to do some actual work. Everyone claps and she smiles.
When asked if anyone wants to go home to civilization, no one raises their hand. Then Mallory is awarded the gold star. We all cry and call home and love life (except for Greg, who is bitter and chapped).
Question: has Anjay been on the council all this time? Why do I feel like we had never heard him speak until this week?
