MagneticMediaFed

“I’m looking for a man covered in silver spray-paint. Have you see him?

I sat down this morning with the plan of working my way though all of the television I couldn’t get to earlier in the week. First up on the docket (I call my DVR, “Docket”) was last Monday’s K-Ville. As I mentioned in my review of the pilot K-Ville has a ton of potential. It also has Anthony Anderson, who I love. Sadly, the television schedule is just too tight and time needs to cut wherever it can. For me, K-Ville just isn’t interesting enough to warrant a permanent spot in my Monday rotation. Too much cop-show, not enough New Orleans. More after the jump…

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We need a railing.

I don’t like Family Guy. I’m sorry, but it’s true. I don’t like the cut-aways. I don’t like the randomness. I don’t like the feeling that the show is written over a lunch-break and then animated in an afternoon. That being said, it’s pretty hard to pass on their hour-long Star Wars tribute that aired last night on FOX. It was decent, but not in the way you’d typically expect. More after the jump…

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Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig, does all the things that a Spider-Pig does

Glad to see the opening sequence got the post-blockbuster-summer-movie treatment as Bart skateboards through the wreckage that is undomed Springfield. For a show that has the luxury of never having to worry about continuity (with a few exceptions: Ned’s wife, Selma (or is it Patty) as a lesbian, Milhouse’s dad being divorced) I’m glad they did something to aknowledge the fact that a pretty significant piece of Simpsons’ history has passed us by. More after the jump…

As for the nineteenth season’s premiere episode it was great in a way few recent Simpsons episode have been: it somehow managed to tell a cohesive story from act one through act three (and in the process managed a few jabs at Chicago “Canada’s Miami”). While I’m of the opinion that I’d rather live in a world with so-so new episodes of The Simpsons than having to live in a world with only four hundred episodes in syndication, I will concede that in recent years the storytelling has suffered. Homer joins the fire department so that he can rob houses? Really?

Here things seemed almost old-timey in Homer’s desire to impress his family. It was a good way to start the season (despite the fact that most of these pre-baseball episodes were made last year).

Why don’t you —- yourself you —— —- —-

I’ve been debating on whether or not to watch this show. I love food-based television, and I’ve seen the British version of this show, but Wednesday is getting to be a particularly packed night of television. With Top Chef ending a couple weeks, I had initially thought I could probably squeeze it in. Having watched an entire episode last night, the decision was made for me: Kitchen Nightmares is borderline unwatchable. Thank you TV Gods for keeping my Wednesday from spiraling completely out of control.

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Ummm…

After reviewing Back To You yesterday, I figured it would only be fair to give the season premiere of ‘Til Death another shot. The last time I watched the series was a year ago when it made its premiere. Honestly, I’m shocked it made it out of the fall, let alone found its way to a whole other season. I hated it then. I still hate it now.

‘Til Death is from the Married With Children family of sitcoms, only without the irony. It’s a show about the hell that is marriage. It suggests all couples in long-term relationships endlessly fight like rabid badgers in a burlap sack while trading insults written by some former Lampoon intern’s kid. It’s not so much that the format doesn’t work (Everybody Loves Raymond mined this territory for the better part of a decade), just that it seems completely derivative and especially tired. A bit more after the jump…

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Old school

There’s a fundamental problem with Back To You, FOX’s latest attempt at reviving the classic three-camera sitcom (premiering tonight at 8pm). The problem is I just can’t stand Kelsey Grammer and Patricia Heaton. For me, that’s quite the hurdle to overcome, which in a way speaks well of the new series since I didn’t completely hate it. Actually, it wasn’t that bad, and might be the best three-camera show on television not called How I Met Your Mother. Though to be honest that’s a lot like being — to borrow a phrase — a part time model or as pretty as a waitress.

It’s certainly better than ‘Til Death which is going into its second season following Back To You. Perhaps that’s just my personal preference of liking work-based sitcoms more than those treading in relationship/family based laughs (i.e. Mary Tyler Moore, Cheers, etc). Of course, both of these shows pale in comparison to HIMYM which week after week finds ways of using an old-school form in surprisingly inventive ways.

I probably won’t watch Back To You again, but for those looking for a quick comedy fix, you could certainly do worse (Cavemen, anyone?). It’s tight, well acted and almost completely obsolete.

Trevor from Cincinnati

I hate when actors go on a talk show to promote whatever movie or television series they happen to be on that month and use the phrase, “It’s almost like the city is a character in the movie,” to describe why the film was being shot on location in Dayton or wherever. I’m sure at one point in time someone said this and it was genuine and heartfelt and legitimately true, but anymore it comes off as an excuse for having characters that aren’t all that interesting or a story that isn’t compelling on its own terms.

In the pitch for K-Ville (which kicks off the fall season tonight on FOX at 9pm) I’m certain this phrase was used to sell the premise: a police procedural set in post-Katrina New Orleans. I get this feeling because over the course of this series’ first hour we’re never allowed to forget that YES this is New Orleans and YES there was a massive disaster here two years prior and YES it has significantly altered the lives of everyone in the city. I’ve never been to New Orleans and wouldn’t begin to assess the problems of the city, but even the most out-of-touch person on the planet would have to feel K-Ville, whose intentions could very well be honorable, is oversimplifying a very complicated situation. It’s the Forrest Gumpification of reducing historical complexities to small, sugar-coated, morsels of entertainment.

That being said, I wholly recommend tuning in. Reasons why after the break…

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Ryan Seacrest, who’s only real talent, it seems, is his uncanny ability to keep a live event on time clearly doesn’t run as tight of a ship as we all thought. My DVR cut out before the Best Comedy and Best Drama awards were announced (though I guess we can hardly blame the guy entirely, as once the open wrapped he was barely seen. No complaints here, I suppose, though it would have been nice to see Tina Fey’s 30 Rock speech. Aside from missing the ending, I have to say, if you’re going to watch an award show, tape it. Exercising the ol’ four-arrow fast-forward during the endless mini-series/TV movie awards is an absolute blessing. I got through the entire three hours in about 50 minutes.

And speaking of miniseries. Their awards take up so much of this show and yet I have never met anyone who has actually watched one. More after the jump…

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“Hey Now” Hank Kingsley and George Bluth Sr.

I’ve been working my way through The Larry Sanders Show. It’s relentlessly brilliant, and not just because it’s so painfully realistic. The series seems to be one of the few comedies in the history of television that really relied on the skills of its actors more than the wit of the writers (which isn’t to say the writing isn’t incredibly sharp — it is). In most television comedies, acting frequently takes a back seat to the comedy. The Larry Sanders Show had the balls to say, “no, they’re the same thing.”

When you look at the traditional model for television comedy, series have been built around performers. Whether it was I Love Lucy, The Dick Van Dyke Show, Mary Tyler Moore, Newhart or any number of the “schluby guy with a hot wife” shows from the 90s and aughts. More after the jump…

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Funny story: On most week nights I work until about eleven o’clock at night. This, obviously, is problematic when it comes to watching primetime network television. Luckily, I don’t live in the 1970s and there are devices that let you record television onto various forms of magnetic media [eh-hem]. Needless to say, I had the EPIC two-hour finale recorded securely on my DVR ready for me once I came home.

Now, I wasn’t going to actually watch the whole thing, but I certainly planned on fast-forwarding it on one of the slower speeds so that I could at least see what was happening. I was able to deduce the following: Blake and Jordin performed about fifty times, the other American Idols performed about twenty times, they performed together in various combinations and permutations about sixty times. There seemed to be some sort of awards show/parade of delusion so that we could all laugh at the freaks one more time before the long hiatus. Some famous people, like Tony Bennett, sang songs and reminded us why we like to buy albums from actual professionals. There’s more, which I’ll detail after the jump…

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The Simpsons‘ tradition of disjointed act ones, has started to weigh on the storytelling. By the time we get to what the episode is actually about, after the first commercial break, there’s only ten minutes left of show time to tell the story. In terms of narrative fulfillment, this is problematic. The 399th episode, which aired right before (something that is more more obvious now that I’ve actually typed it), was a start-to-finish parody of 24 and worked exponentially better as an episode of television.

The problem is Family Guy has so destroyed what people expect out of animated television (maybe even television as a whole) it is no longer about telling a funny story, but instead using the idea of a story to cram in as many jokes as you possibly can manage. Some shows (Arrested Development) can handle this task. Others: not so much.

None of this really matters as the purpose of this post isn’t suppose to assess the quality of The Simpsons so much as chronicle the show reaching the milestone of 400 episodes (which is, in fact, as crazy as it sounds). I’ll do that right after the break…

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Never underestimate the texting power of 12-year-old girls. Remember Blake’s maddening performance two-weeks ago when he almost beat-boxed himself right off the show? Well now he’s in the finals. Are you happy America? I am. Why? Because I hated Melinda and all of her aw-shucks, I’m so lucky fakery. She was the best singer by light years in this competition — act like it!

Melinda also looked like she was 47 years old. Not that that’s a bad thing, but my girl Jordin is only 17 and we’re trying to crown a pop-icon. No one was going to buy Melinda’s records except Melinda and Tony Bennett. Honestly, I don’t see Jordin having much marketability either, but at least she’s personality-plus.

The biggest irony in all of this nonsense is that Blake will make more money and have a bigger career than anyone this season win or lose (even bigger than most of the previous winners… Taylor). Why? Because L.L. Blake. He’s got the look (or as Dirk Diggler puts it, “The touch!”).

Prediction for next week: Jordin wins on height alone.

Four out of five dentists agree!

Looks like I’ll continue to watch Idol since Jordin made it through her horrible performance on Tuesday’s show. Early prediction: top three are all female, and Jordin ends up winning over Melinda.

As for the rest of the results show, Seacrest and Cowell totally wanted to make out in the early goings. What was up with that seriously hostile back and forth? Also curious: Simon’s freakishly perfect teeth. It’s like his teeth were drawn in by Tex Avery. They’re perfectly straight and don’t seem to even have lines signifying where one tooth ends and the other begins.

“It was just so bizarrely dreadful.”

Of the top six, there was only one performance that was actually bad. Unfortunately, that performance was from my girl Jordin. Her rendition of “Livin on a Prayer” was like karaoke amongst a group of secretaries on ladies/taco night at a Dayton watering hole. This is not good as Jordin has about 40% more talent in most cases than everyone who is not Melinda and 87% more personality than everyone including Melinda (and Seacrest).

I’m hoping that last week’s voting helps carry her through to next week. I would make the argument that she’s not a rock girl and that we should just give her a break, but Melinda was able to knock her song out of the park and until this week had yet to sing anything recorded after 1910 over the course of this whole damn competition.

Based on this week only, Jordin should be in trouble, though I suspect the massive number of votes from “Idol Gives Back” will mostly harm Chris and LaKisha (though the creepy looking Phil should really be the one to go).

If Jordin goes, I’m done with the show. I mean, what’s the point in watching if you have actual hatred for everyone else participating?

I wonder why one of these people is crying?

It’s kind of hard to slam a show trying to do good, but I’m going to try anyway. Though I must add that I did not watch the show in its entirety — did anyone?

First, the telethon. I watched the following segments: Jack Black, Ben Stiller, Annie Lennox, that Stayin’ Alive montage, the creepy Elvis duet, most of what Ellen said, and a few of the Africa Packages. The show seemed kind of bumpy, but I guess if you’re trying to produce The Great American Live Television Event! there will be bumps. I’m not saying that every segment did or didn’t work, but from the moments I watched I did get the feeling that the show seemed far more tolerable than, say, an awards show. Perhaps that’s because the congratulatory attitude was slightly off-set by the general do-gooderness of it all.

Speaking of do-goodery, did it trouble anyone else that someone like Ellen DeGeneres was able to donate $100,000 and that an enormous media company like News Corp. was only giving $5 million. I know, I know, that $5 million is money that the recognized charities didn’t have on Monday, but still the amount of advertising the company has raked in since this show (let alone other shows and media properties) debuted is likely astronomical. Capping your audience match at $5 million just comes off as cheap — or maybe Warren Buffet has ruined charity for everyone. What’s that? You’re giving $5 million, oh well I’m giving $5 billion… Yeah, with a B.

Second the elimination. Look, I think we can all agree that NOT eliminating anyone was about as surprising as a Cheney heart-attack, but the fact that they actually made poor Jordan, who was hands down the best on Tuesday, actually cry is without a doubt one of the crueler tricks the show has ever played. What made it so much worse was that Chris had a mic in his hand the whole time making us think that they were running low on time and that he was going to have to start singing his closing song as soon as the results were known — at least that’s how I read the situation (so I guess the non-elimination was maybe kind of surprising).

Still, why torture Jordan? Especially on a night that was suppose to be uplifting.

Did anyone watch the whole thing? The money goes here.